It's hard to try to describe to people outside the area what's going on mentally with a lot of us down here. As we pass the seven month mark since the storm, many of us are suffering from the anxiety and uncertainty of our situations. Many folks still haven't had their insurance issues resolved, and many plans are still up in the air over whether to rebuild, or move, or just what. Lots of folks that I know say that they seem to be in the "anger" stage of the grieving process, men and women alike. I figure that living in "Post-Mississippi" can be likened to its initials.
The best way I can think to describe it to people is to imagine that your irritability level is a glass of water. Under normal circumstances, this glass is about a quarter full, and a drop or two or one hundred doesn't really make that much difference, or affect you that much. For those of us in Mississippi right now, it's like our glass of irritability is absolutely full. One drop (or slight irritant) can often be the difference between being a normally functioning human being, and a weeping, crying basket case. We just hope that those drops come at socially acceptable times, or after we've at least gotten off of work. Living in a cramped trailer, worrying about next hurricane season, still wondering if our acquaintances and neighbors are alive and OK or displaced or coming back, wondering if our favorite restaurant in the next town is still standing, strife over money, the rising cost of building supplies and whether the shortage of labor will allow us to get our houses and lives back together. All of these things add up, and so that shopping cart with the stuck wheel might provoke an unusually (and seemingly irrationally) fierce response. Sometimes it just seems like one thing after another after another after another.
But we're resilient in Mississippi. (I can't claim to be a native Mississippian, but, as the saying goes, "I got here as quick as I could!") The folks around here are coping, no matter how bleak the situation may sound to read about. I am inspired by the people I see around me trying to put things back in order, and I am also honored and humbled by those who have come from many different states and countries to help with the rebuilding. It all makes me think of the saga of my traveler's palm.
Before the storm, we had this plant on our deck. When I got it I thought that it was a banana tree, because it had the same kind of broad, leathery, tropical leaves. I raised it up for years, moved it with us from Alabama to Louisiana to Mississippi, and brought it inside when the weather was cold. This actually became a rather large task, especially as the plant grew to about ten feet tall and was potted in a half whiskey barrel full of dirt. When we evacuated, I sadly left it on the deck just outside the sliding glass doors where it lived. You can't take everything.
When we returned after the storm, to our muchly changed house and yard, every green living thing had been killed. Grays and browns had replaced any speck of live foliage. As we walked around in the debris and devastation I saw the whiskey barrel, up ended and tipped over, buried in the twisted wreckage of someone else's debris. The traveler's palm itself looked like it had been put through a washing machine. All of the leaves were torn from it, the stalk shriveled, brown and shrunken. I left it there, sad for its demise. A few rainless weeks later I noticed it again, except this time, I saw one tiny little scrap of green poking out through the dead husk. I quickly righted the container, poured one of our few precious Red Cross furnished bottles of water over it and tried to drag it back closer to our slab.
The next trip over (we were still sheltering in Alabama at this point) I saw that it had been scooped up by a bulldozer, and upended again in a pile of trash at the side of the road (which caused the plant, and all of the dirt to fall out of the barrel). I quickly righted it again, put on some more water, tried to replace as much dirt as I could, and then nearly gave myself a hernia trying to lift the whole thing onto a cement step. I put a hastily made sign on it, proclaiming that it was "NOT TRASH!!!" A few weeks after that, I was able to get it in our car, and take to our newly placed trailer.
Over the past months I have been delighted to see each tiny new leaf poking its head out from a dead stalk, or from the dirt, and now, it's first really large leaf has unfurled, full size, and is convincing me that it will survive. It's incredible to think that this plant withstood a 35 foot wall of salt water, the following trauma, drought, and neglect, and is STILL coming back. Mississippi Coast residents are a lot like that. We won't be the same as we were before, we've been hurt, but we'll survive this, too.
All cooped up and nowhere to go
EMAIL THIS
TRACKBACKS
Trackbacks are links to weblogs that reference this post. Like comments, trackbacks do no appear until approved by us. The trackback URL for this post is: http://www.typepad.com/t/trackback/454638/4579179
advertisement
Wonderful entry. After working 5 hours yesterday trying to clean our pool (which was in neighborhood covered in 12 ft. water), I stopped to take a break and noticed all the plants that are starting to pop out now. A wonderful group of students from a collage in Ohio had cleared out debris so it was looking a little better. What is amazing is the plants in big pots around the pool area that are putting out new growth.
mindy, pass christian, MS (Sent Apr 1, 2006 12:41:44 PM)
Steve, stay strong. Like your plant. We can learn a lot from nature if we take the time to notice. I guess even devestated nature. Isn't that wonderful? You really "hit the nail on the head" with your story. Wouldn't it be good if all the carpenters could do that? (joke)
You do get tired waiting on the waiting list and then discovering that so many others are ahead of you that it will be two months more. Then you get on another list and hope that it's shorter. We're on three lists now. Right now I don't care who fixes my house, just as long as it gets fixed before another storm. And all the estimates are over what the insurance has given us.
Jane, Southern Mississippi (Sent Apr 2, 2006 1:43:05 AM)
that tree is a survivor...you are too...and i'll nominate you for "native Mississippian"..hope ya'll are healing
andy,ms (Sent Apr 2, 2006 2:20:52 PM)
Know what you mean Steve. We are still in Florida in a sense trying to decide what to do. We are both working and able to start saving some money, thank God, and have decided to stay till at least Aug. We want to come back to Mississippi, but don't know where. I think we are realizing that Waveland might not be our home again. Feeling blue myself today, but this too shall pass. With God's help and blessings, we will all get through this. God bless you and your family.
Kelly B., Florida (formerly Waveland) (Sent Apr 2, 2006 5:17:49 PM)
I am not a mississippi native or any where close to the area's of devestation, BUT, my heart does go out to those that are less fortunate and caught up in this unbelievable situation. I read the diary entry with much interest. It's as though God was showing you that you can be a survivor, stand strong keep the faith and God will uphold and sustain in your time of trouble. God be with each and every one. He has a purpose for all things, sometimes we just don't understand the reason.
Pam, North Georgia (Sent Apr 2, 2006 9:11:19 PM)
Please keep the faith....
My organization has been coming to the MS coast about every other weekend since the hurricane hit. We bring much needed supplies mainly to the areas of BSL, Waveland, Lakeshore, Clermont Harbor, Ansley, Pearlington. Your descriptions of despair, depression, instant rage, anxiety are exactly what we have seen everytime we come down there. HOWEVER, we have also seen the reasons WHY....ranging from loan denials to slow deliveries of FEMA trailers. Even in all of this we also see the compassion the residents have for their neighbors down the street-thinking the neighbors need help worse than they do; we see the joy that comes with receiving a can opener, an iron (and from what I can understand a small ironing board is worth a gold bar at this point), a mixer, an electric skillet, a crock pot and on and on and on....Just this past weekend we met someone that has been living in a van since Aug. 29th and nearly every trip we meet people that are homeless or living in tents. What has stuck with me more than anything however is the resiliency of the people of south Mississippi - you are a breed apart and I am so very, very proud to have the opportunity to get to know the residents there and offer whatever help I can. God Bless you for your perspective and your ability to find the diamond in the rough.
Sharon Secrest, Kentucky (Sent Apr 3, 2006 9:01:57 AM)
I'm trying to decide whether to sell my house as is
or finish repairs first. We're having it looked at
now. However, the part that I am unequivocal about
is that I am gone by summer's end. I have no family
here, no kids in school, and a new job in a place
where drywall is plentiful and the roofs are blue
by choice.
Good luck to all.
R., BSL (Sent Apr 3, 2006 12:09:25 PM)
Just found this blog. We, as your fellow American's, shudder at the thought that you have been ignored by both; our government, and it's profit-based insurers.
I read with sadness how many homes were blown away by wind, only to have their insurer delare the home was destroyed by flooding. Even if the flood came after the wind, it's my belief that wind did the damage, so they should pay. We're aware of all of you brave folks hanging in and surviving, (such as those in Port St Louis), again with no real help from anyone. I find it amazing that you're willing to live in a van, a tent you purchased, or a borrowed trailer, versus a $525. a day hotel room with a food allowance on top. Sorry if that aggravates some, but, it is true. Our love to ALL of you, and our prayers that this season's Hurricanes are minimially damaging to anyplace, especially the Gulf-Coast.
gene Philadelphia PA (Sent Apr 3, 2006 1:43:50 PM)
if the insurance companies refuse to pay up then sue the state and federal government for knowingly leaving millions of its citizens at risk for a civil engineering failure. all federal, government, civil, institutional, public use structures are supposedly designed to withstand those 100 year storms. Ever watch discovery channel?
john smith san diego ca. (Sent Apr 3, 2006 2:59:02 PM)
Those of us affected by Florida hurricanes have had similar feelings, though we did not as much flooding in Port Charlotte as Gulf Coast... just flattening winds/rain, then same kind of mold when Charley came through in AUG04. My reason for writing is to say hang in there. Our home had to be gutted but is now back to better than before... though contractors and insurors were a pain all along and at times it did seem hopeless. Do know you are not forgotten. Anyone who ever had to live under a blue tarp for months on end is your family.
Rebekah, Port Charlotte, FL (Sent Apr 3, 2006 3:25:51 PM)
carry on ,man in trouble! u r blessed by god...
wewe china (Sent Apr 3, 2006 9:14:51 PM)
Wow, Steve, thanks for yet another insightful post. Your education background becomes apparent in such posts; you do so well in explaining and finding examples to explain your messages. That lesson about the tree is particularly reassuring, even for those who aren't in hurricane zones. Thank you so much for being open to sharing this with us!
Stephanie Umbro, Maine (Sent Apr 4, 2006 5:01:45 AM)
my prayers are with all of you,I hope you will continue to persevere and prosper.
yvette brown (Sent Apr 5, 2006 12:39:47 AM)
Steve - thanks for your great story! You are so right, I bought some potted plants when I was out of town at a Home Depot and just to drive up and see the colorful flowers was wonderful - I have also noticed all "life" coming back into town - in the form of both nature and humanity!
R - just put a for sale sign and leave - it sounds like you are in a hurry to run, so just go ahead and leave - we have tons who are staying!!
John Smith - it must be nice to be able to wear those rose colored glasses these days - this is how it is: we ARE suing the insurance companies, however the problem is where are we suppose to live until the claim in settled in about 5-10 years? FEMA trailers - well not everyone has one yet - that's right, 7 mths later and people are still waiting on trailers. Also, where are these gov't buildings that you speak of that withstand a storm like Katrina - they must be in a land locked state that never gets hurricanes, because Katrina left slabs where steel reinforced concrete buildings once stood! Remember, discovery channel is TV and we all know that TV ALWAYS only states the facts - that's why they focus on New Orleans so much, because we all know that N.O. is really where Katrina hit - not the Bay!!
Thanks again Steve for your great writings!
TR-B.S.L.
T. Ryan (Sent Apr 5, 2006 9:41:43 PM)
Oh MY GOD!!! What a great little story... :) I got tears in my eyes. I love Bay St. Louis and Waveland and ALL of the Gulf Coast... The south WILL rise again... Love all of ya'll... Sincerely,
Marie Schultz Clark
Marie Schultz Clark (Sent Apr 5, 2006 10:24:10 PM)
I remember that plant! I miss you guys so much. I don't suppose you want to come up to Asheville for a visit as soon as school let's out? You know you guys are always welcome!
xo
DeNeice Guest, Waveland, MS (Sent Apr 6, 2006 8:38:43 AM)
Steve~
I am the drama instructor at MGCCC-Perkinston and my students and I are writing a script about Mississippi's experience with Hurricane Katrina. The students and I have been gathering interviews from various people to use in the play and with your permission, I would love to incorporate your story about the plant. It really gets to the heart of what my students and I want to convey about the people of Mississippi. We want to give our state a voice through the shadow of New Orleans. If this is alright with you please contact me; or if you have any questions about our project.
Thanks! :)
Daisha Walker, Perkinston, MS (Sent Apr 7, 2006 2:59:24 PM)
R, BSL, good luck to you. You're in my prayers. Daisha, what a great idea. I hope Steve okays it.
Jane, Southern Mississippi (Sent Apr 8, 2006 2:01:36 AM)
Mrs. Walker, if it were my story...i'de say go ahead...i think Steve will too...cause you are on the right track!....you and your students....ya'll tell Mississippi's story....good luck....or maybe that should be "break a leg"
andy,ms (Sent Apr 8, 2006 2:26:46 PM)
Steve, the first thing I noticed in March as I drove down Waveland Avenue was that the azaleas were in bloom. Amid the trash and rubble, bright pink, sitting there for all to see, that life and hope really do spring eternal. When I was there in December, I never thought that Spring would bloom in just a few months. I was sure that it would take many seasons for us to see life again. God Bless you all. I am SURE there must be a message in all this....
peggy, naples. fla. (Sent Apr 11, 2006 3:05:40 PM)
have any of ya'll installed the program that lets the videos on WLOX play? i'm afraid to install any thing anymore...paranoid i guess and when you don't know....ask others
andy,ms (Sent Apr 12, 2006 9:41:07 AM)
Daisha, The plant and I would be happy to let you use the story (I had to check with the traveler palm's agent first, but as thorny as the negotiations were, that shrub said okay). Let me know if you need any more info, or if I can be of any help. Break a leg!
Steven Harper Waveland/Pearlington MS (Sent Apr 13, 2006 8:07:39 AM)
Great post, Steve. I recently found tomato plants growing in my yard. I never noticed them until a week ago and they are a good foot and a half tall now. I had merely passed them off as weeds, previously. The cleared lot next to us has Petunias growing in it! They are absolutely beautiful and a great place to rest one's eyes for a while.
We are now watering the tomato plants and the Petunias on a regular basis and appreciate their gifts. We also are watering as many trees in the neighborhood that our hoses will reach. Some of the Live Oaks are not doing well and I fear that they are dying. But we will keep trying and continue to water them!
I, also, find that my level of irritation is quite high. It doesn't take much for me to lose my cool, lately or to dissolve into tears. Some days I feel up to the challenge. Some days I don't. Someone said to me the other day, "If I hear one more person complain about living in a FEMA trailer, I think I'll give them a peace of my mind! They ought to be happy they have a place to live". He does not live in a FEMA trailer or a tent! The "Candominium", as I prefer to call it, is cramped, damp, and dusty. There are sharp edges where sandpaper should have been used to smooth the wood. The bathtub, if that's what you want to call it, leaks all over the bathroom floor. Air conditioners freeze up. Toilets back up. And your propane tank runs out at the most inopportune moments! FEMA trailer living is not for the faint of heart! I live in mine with my husband, daughter, dog and cat. When I first stepped foot in it, I thought it was "cozy". Not anymore. The word 'cozy' is not part of my vocabulary, anymore!
My father, who lived in a studio on my property, received a call from FEMA today. The man on the other end of the phone told him that FEMA has determined that he is not eligible for a trailer because he suffered no "losses" in Katrina. They are going to pick it up. Basically, I guess what they are saying is that he was not a land owner. He got that call on the way to the VA to a doctor's appointment. He is beside himself with grief over this. He lost everything he had in Katrina, as so many of us did. All of his photographs, his Navy medals and memorabilia, his furniture.
The FEMA director in Waveland told my husband that my father should be living with us in our trailer, short of that "Your father-in-law will be out on the street". No amount of pleading his case or ours changed her decision. FEMA apparently does not have to give advance notice of taking your trailer. We should be ready at any moment to collect his belongings and scurry him right out of that trailer into ours. That gives a whole new meaning to "cozy"! More like insanity.
I cannot tell you how surreal this feels and how deep my anger. Nobody should be treated this way!
My husband (we just married in December 05) was also a home owner before Katrina. As of today, he has applied for a trailer. He was told that it will take a long time.
In the meantime, my father says he will live in my gutted out house. Not if I can help it! My father retired from the Navy as a well-decorated officer, serving 23 years. He is now 72, has cancer, 4 cats and a small dog, misses his deceased wife and loves his granddaughter with all of his heart. Now, FEMA wants to take away the rest of what's left, his independence, his place to convalesce--his FEMA travel trailer.
Kimberly L, Waveland, MS (Sent Apr 19, 2006 4:24:31 PM)
Man Kimberly, when they take away from a veteran....what will they do next?....those FEMA people must have never served our country...but our hearts are with ALL our vets...check with the VFW..i'll bet they will help
andy,ms (Sent Apr 21, 2006 10:25:03 AM)
Kimberly, that doesn't really surprise me a bit. We applied for a FEMA trailer the day after the storm, and they lost our application TWICE!!! That's why I now tell people we live in a DADA trailer, because my father decided he wouldn't let me and my wife sleep on the ground. Dad's also a veteran. My heart goes out to y'all... I just hope that FEMA is as efficient at taking the trailers back as they are at giving them out... Your Dad will be safe for YEARS!!!!
Steve Harper Waveland/Pearlington MS (Sent Apr 21, 2006 2:17:11 PM)
O.K. Kimberly, the new blog ..is that your father?...man it pisses me off for a man of honor to not be shone the same by the country he served!...I do know a couple of MS.congressmen and i will call....this wrong MUST be righted!!!...at least it Will be reported to our local VFW and American Legion...someone will surely help....man can't say no more....don't wanna get in a rage....PEACE!
andy,booneville ms. (Sent Apr 24, 2006 11:13:31 PM)
Yes, Andy. That is my dad! Thank you for your support.
Kimberly L, Waveland MS (Sent Apr 25, 2006 2:52:03 PM)
I've e-mailed both our senators and our representative about your dad, Kimberly, asking them to stand up for him. Anyone can do so at www.senate.gov or www.house.gov. Your daddy deserves our respect and compassion and thanks for his service to our country.
Jane, Southern Mississippi (Sent Apr 29, 2006 2:01:38 AM)
Thanks, Jane. I truly appreciate your efforts and concern! You, too, Andy!
Kimberly L, Waveland,MS (Sent May 1, 2006 10:30:13 AM)
After reading the diaries of everyone posted here, I can't help thinking of my mother, an 88 year old widow who unfortunately lost her sight last year. Her apartment took a big hit from Wilma, and she still is living in one room as the rest of her apartment is boarded up and the windows (ordered long ago) still have not been replaced. Her insurance company cancelled her policy, she has used her life savings to pay for the still-not-installed windows, and refuses to leave the place where she lived with my dad because if she does, he won't "be able to find me." My heart goes out to all of you.
Hadley L., Albuquerque, NM (Sent May 30, 2006 3:39:33 PM)
SEND A COMMENT
PLEASE READ: All comments must be approved before appearing in the thread; time and space constraints prevent all comments from appearing. We will only approve comments that are directly related to the blog, use appropriate language and are not attacking the comments of others.