The final chapters ... well, at least for now.
EPISODE V: The Outside Menace!
*The outside life forms are hostile ... or at least annoying*
(In this episode I don't stick to a hard and fast definition of science fiction, as I include zombie movies like the George Romero's "Night/Dawn/Day/Return/Land of the Living Dead" series, which Heather thinks is really more "horror."... Be that as it may)
Whether it's Mynoks chewing on your power cables, Jawas running off with your droids, Golgofrinchams having a marketing meeting about fire or a Gorn captain throwing papier mache rocks at you, alien life forms can cause trouble. In addition to roving dogs, foraging wild hogs and the occasional visitor to our trailer park seeking gas or middle-of-the-night assistance (and seeming to be generally up to no good), the insect life in Pearlington is thriving. The roadside drainage ditches are clogged with the former contents of everyone's houses (including old clothes, mattresses, TVs, furniture, sheetrock, insulation, junked cars, entire trees and everything else imaginable), the assorted shapes and sizes of which make a vacuum seal, preventing any drainage at all. Consequently there are thousands of gallons of standing, stagnant water making a perfect breeding ground for mosquitoes, gnats and pretty much everything else listed on the "OFF" can of Bug spray.
The similarities between our gnats and mosquitoes and George Romero's Zombies include, but aren't limited to:
* They hang around outside your door, and wait for the smell of human flesh.
* They try to eat chunks of it once they smell it.
* "OFF" bug spray keeps mosquitoes at bay for a while, but really doesn't affect gnats or the Living Dead.
* They are generally slow moving and are dodged fairly easily as long as you keep moving constantly; but they travel in swarms, which grow larger if you stop in one spot.
* You have to wait until you have all your stuff in hand ready to leave your door before making a break for your vehicle -- you can't just hang around with the door open. (We call this having an "exit strategy.")
* They have nothing else to do except wait for you. (In fact, some days you can look through the frosted glass of the front door window and see their shadows moving slowly ... waiting... waiting.)
* There is a never-ending supply of them.
* They make outdoor picnics nigh on impossible.
* They'll use any opening to try to get into your abode.
Think 'Aliens'
Yes, just like Sigourney Weaver in "Aliens," we frantically find ourselves hunting down and killing these alien invaders in our "house," thinking, "How did they get in? We sealed off everything. There must have been some passage or gap that we missed!" True, our hostile life forms are much smaller, and don't drip acid for blood, but many's the night when I have killed 20 or more of these mini-xenomorphs before retiring for the evening. (As Bill Paxton said, also in "Aliens," "It's another bug hunt!!!")
EPISODE VI: Back to the Present!
*The space/time continuum has been disrupted*
We find ourselves in a strange alternate reality, just like Marty McFly and Dr. Emmett Brown in "Back to the Future, Part II". Biff (or in this case, Katrina) seems to have stolen the time machine, gone back to the past, altered the future and messed up our now present! Many of us on the coast keep thinking "No! On a day like today, I should be down on my beach, tropical drink in hand ... not talking to an insurance adjuster on the phone from my trailer!!! How did this happen?!?!" We keep thinking about what our lives are supposed to be like, or how we should have been spending today, or this weekend or the past six months. I've even heard of some otherwise normal coast residents writing letters to their past selves (like I've done), on the off chance that some one will invent a time machine and be able to send a message back to Aug. 27, 2005: "Dear Me, Hi, it's me. Please grab all of the family photos, grandmother's silver and, umm, don't bother to board up the windows. get out now!!!"
It's like the "Star Trek" episode where we go to an alternate universe and everything is opposite and sinister. Case in point: The many insurance agents that were supposed to be our friends (or at least like a "good neighbor" ), who are telling us we don't qualify for any compensation, regardless of the damages sustained. Come to think of it, I have seen lots of people wearing new goatees. Hmmmmm.
EPISODE VII: "The Interstellar HyperSpace Bypass!"
*FEMA and the insurance agencies seem to be run by the Vogons*
What "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" has to say about Vogons: "They are one of the most unpleasant races in the galaxy -- not actually evil, but bad tempered, bureaucratic, officious, and callous. They wouldn't even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from the ravenous Bug-Blatter Beast of Traal without orders signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public enquiry, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as fire lighters."
I don't actually mean to single out FEMA or insurance agencies, nor do I mean to bite the hand that feeds, or even means to help. However, lots of organizations that we turn to for aid have been, shall we say, less than understanding during this whole thing. A long litany of unbelievable occurrences has been accruing on the coast, which seem to indicate the "Vogonity" of the whole situation, such as:
* Explaining to three different people and a vice president at a satellite TV company that we would be unable to return their equipment and satellite dish, because it was inside/attached to our house, which is now somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico.
* Hearing the FEMA phone message stating (after 25 minutes on hold): "We are currently busy assisting other customers. You will now be disconnected." Click. buzzzzzzzzzz.
* Seeing our neighbors unable to enter or live in their FEMA delivered trailer, since the trailer, and keys to said trailer are delivered by two different crews, not necessarily in the same calendar year!
* Living in a DADA trailer rather than a FEMA trailer, because FEMA lost our application for a trailer twice. My DADA (and the bank) decided he wasn't going to let my darling wife and myself sleep on the ground and arranged for us to have a trailer to live in. (We're still on the FEMA list, and still waiting. ... I'm interested to see how long it will take for us to get a call seeing if we still need one, or are we happy sleeping in the dirt.)
* Seeing a coworker get audited by FEMA and the SBA concerning money that he applied for (as was recommended by FEMA and the SBA to all of us shortly after the storm) but never claimed or received. They wanted to see if the money he didn't get was spent on repairs. The day after his audit, he received a phone call from FEMA and the SBA telling him that he would be audited and they needed to set up an appointment. (Yes, you read that right, it just doesn't make any sense.)
Forget about logic
* Trying to explain to insurance companies that windstorm coverage and flood insurance both come into play, because a hurricane is pretty much, by definition "wind AND water."
* Trying to explain to FEMA representatives that, yes, it would make more economic sense to rent an apartment rather than try to get into a trailer, but that there are no apartment buildings standing in our town!
* Explaining to the phone company representative that we were canceling our service because we didn't have a phone anymore ... or a house anymore. "What was it? Some kind of natural disaster?" Ummmmm, yeah, Scooter. Where do you live? They don't have TVs there?
* Trying to understand why an insurance company that pays one neighbor for wind damage tells the next-door neighbor that all of their damage was flood, and so they'll be receiving nothing.
* Trying to understand why the representatives from a mortgage company would send an endorsed settlement check equivalent to the Gross National Product of a small Latin American country via uninsured, non-registered, 37-cent stamp mail delivery (which was, imagine this, LOST in the mail).
* Trying to ask the same mortgage company representatives whether they could instruct the issuing insurance company to make the replacement check solely out to us, (since the mortgage company didn't need to keep it in escrow, which is why it was sent on to us in the first place) only to be told, "No, it has to be made out to both of us" (sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found).
* Trying to make the insurance company issuing said check understand that they can't overnight it via UPS to the address of the destroyed house, because there is no house there, and UPS will not deliver to a house that doesn't exist.
* The unbelievably convoluted problems with the U.S. Postal Service, condensed into Heather being instructed to an file an unnecessary change of address form to forward mail from the destroyed address, her forwarding it to her sister (who is married to my brother, and unfortunately shares our same last name), then "unforwarding" it, which must be accomplished by another change of address form, and now we continue to get most of my brother and sister-in-law's credit card bills, magazines, insurance statements, junk mail, and everything else imaginable. The lady who moved out of our house two years ago still gets her mail delivered to us regularly, without a problem, though.
At least these Vogons don't make us listen to their poetry (reportedly the third worst in the universe), and I suppose that's something to be thankful for. However, the music/sounds they play whilst putting you on hold can be pretty annoying. For future reference: People who have just lost their homes, neighbors and communities in a hurricane don't find crashing ocean waves to be a soothing sound!
Read Part 1 and Part 2 of Steve Harper's "sci-fi" trilogy.
A volunteer housing shortage
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at first I just thought you were weird{still do}...but part 3 is scary....cause I know you are telling the truth!
andy,ms (Sent May 30, 2006 8:23:04 AM)
Steve,
These are great! It sort of gives people an idea of how crazy it still is down there! We are still experiencing massive amounts of crazy, but without the death/destruction aspect. We miss you guys! Come see us!
We'll make Sangria and pretend to be at the beach, even though our feet will be danging in CLEAR water with a waterfall in site.
Miss you!
DeNeice Guest, Waveland, MS (Sent May 30, 2006 5:05:41 PM)
man, this mail thing is crazy and really obnoxious!
steve, i love you - but good golly i want to pull my sister into my car and bring her out of all of that. you're more than welcome to come too..
you two are far more patient and much - MUCH - stronger than i. sigh... i sure do wish this was all over. that i could twitch my nose and it never happened. i hope the heart break is over very soon.
love and more love
amanda harper, mobile, al (Sent May 31, 2006 11:22:19 PM)
Will it ever end? I don't mean your sci-fi stories. I enjoy reading them. This one was unsettling, but don't stop. Wouldn't it be nice if it was all just make-believe?
Jane, Southern Mississippi (Sent Jun 1, 2006 1:49:03 AM)
Steve, I love your Sci-fi trilogy! Your stories have been so much fun to read and full of the truth! I recently spoke with a rep at my mortgage company who just doesn't get it! I worked out a repayment plan with them in December, but they would never send me anything official in writing to back up the agreement. I have paid them a few hundred dollars more a month since they first called. Then, a month later I got another call to set up a repayment plan! I told them that I had already set this up the previous month and they told me that nothing was in the computer regarding a repayment plan. So, we went through all of the information all over again. This happened once a month for the next three months. A 4th call came just last week. The woman from my mortgage company said that I had failed to meet my agreed upon plan and therefore I would be sent to collections, if I did not pay the amount in arrears immediately. She wanted to know why I was not back in my house(could be the lack of privacy there without walls, doors and windows, no power and a shortage of plumbing). Why was I not making progress(I'm lazy?)? Why had I not repaired my roof yet(I always wanted a sky light?)? Didn't I have anything that I could sell to get some extra money to send them (hmmm...what do I have left to sell, my FEMA trailer!)? Couldn't I dip into my retirement and send them what I owe them(already been there and done that for a new non-water logged car)? And then she was back to my house. Why am I not back in my house(I told you, I'm LAZY!)? What is the delay(I love to procrastinate)? I LOVE living in a FEMA trailer so much that I would just rather continue living in it. Who wants to live in a 2300 sq ft house, when you can live in 240 sq ft rectangle where everything you need is at an armslength reach?
She never did comprehend any of the facts that I presented to her and ended the conversation by saying that someone will contact me in about 3 weeks. At least I have something to look forward to.
Kimberly L, Waveland, MS (Sent Jun 1, 2006 9:49:35 AM)
Thanks for telling it the way it is!! I'm still amazed at twists and turns you have to go through. You sound so sane!!!! I live in Canada and have watched (in HORROR!!!!) from the beginning. I continue to pray for all.
DMB, Windsor, Ontario,Canada across from Detroit, Michigan (Sent Jun 1, 2006 11:00:11 AM)
Absolutely excellent, Steve! Why don't you write about the rediculous policies of FEMA requiring us to raise our houses? By the way, for the cost of $30,000.00, FEMA is telling me that I have to raise my house 6 inches when it had 9 ft. of water! Go figure!
Constance Bartenbach, Ocean Springs, MS (Sent Jun 1, 2006 1:55:03 PM)
My parents were both born in Biloxi. All of my grandparents and most of my great-grandparents are buried there, not too far from the water. I spent summers, weekends and holidays at my grandparent's there during my childhood. I understand the allure, the charm of "old" Biloxi and the neighboring towns: Ocean Springs, Gulfport, D'Iberville.
But my mother, who was born in the 1930's remembers THREE devastating hurricanes that nearly destroyed Biloxi: the storm of '47 (before we started naming them), Camille in '68 and now Katrina. That's a break of only 20 to 30 years between three attacks of near-Biblical devastation in ONE woman's lifetime. Are we listening? Are we learning?
I have come to the conclusion that Oregon is the only state I have visited who does it right. The Gulf Coast (up to SIX miles inland) should not be rebuilt. It should slowly be converted (one storm at a time) to national parkland with minimal human impact (campgrounds and pristine beaches, not condos and casinos.) Yes, it might take 100-200 years to "convert" back to nature, but in the end it would be best for the environment, best for the economy of Mississippi, and best for the lives and safety of the citizens. If you want to go to the beach, fine. Go for the day. Go every day. But look at any aerial map and you can plainly see that Biloxi is built on a peninsula surrounded on THREE sides with hurricane-prone waters.
Most (all?) of the Mississippi Gulf Coast is simply not appropriate for modern, full-time habitation by humans. It's a darn shame, but Biloxi doesn't need new hotels or fast-food joints or condos or casinos on the beach. It needs to move in-land and let nature's beauty turn the coast into one of the most beautiful campgrounds and play areas on Earth. People can go inland to spend the night in air-conditioned hotels or camp near the beach in good weather. And old, undestroyed places can hang on until the next storm comes if they want to risk it. But if we banned re-building near the coast NOW then when the next storms hit (in no more than 20 to 30 years) we won't have another multi-billion-dollar heartbreaking nightmare to fix!
Yes, I know that no one wants to hear it. But the fact is, the clock is ticking until Katrina II or Camille II hits. When (not if, but when) it happens again, the last of the lovely old beach bungalows, historic churches and old architectural wonders will be destroyed. I think it's time to dig up the grandparents, move everybody inland and let nature have her way with the coast.
Jean Vignes, Seattle, WA (formerly of Baton Rouge, LA.) (Sent Jun 2, 2006 3:59:40 AM)
But Constance, if your house had been 6 inches higher.....you would have only had 8 feet and 6 inches of water in the first place....shoot get WITH FEMA logic! {satire}
andy,ms (Sent Jun 2, 2006 8:27:14 AM)
I love your remarks Andy! This situation on the Mississippi Coast has been so dishearting to me, that I appreciate your sense of humor amongst the still existing chaos of our communities.
One of the first events that occurred in my life just after Katrina was to go in search of loved ones and employees. We found one of them at the old, historic Tivoli Hotel in Biloxi that was hit by the Grand Casino Barge...and he was alive, thank God. And he is blind! He climbed up the stairs of the old abandoned hotel, encouraging some of his friends to follow, most who chose not to. The bodies of five of these people were found several days later, buried under rubble and concrete...the other three bodies were never found. With you being a "coastian", I'm sure you remember the story when it was published in the Sun Herald.
And you're right...8 ft. 6 inches of water is still two feet taller than I am!
Constance Bartenbach, Ocean Springs, MS (Sent Jun 2, 2006 7:05:21 PM)
To Jean in Seattle; The Mississippi Gulf Coast is no more or less susceptible to being hit by major hurricanes than any of the following- Pensacola, Key West, Miami (or pretty much anywhere along the panhandle or peninsula of Florida), Myrtle Beach, Hilton Head, Newport News, Gulf Shores, Dauphin Island, Galveston/Houston, Corpus Christie, Brownsville, etc etc- as all of these places are right on the Gulf Coast, and are either peninsulas or barrier islands completely surrounded by water. Further, the Mississippi Gulf Coast (and all the aforementioned places) are no more or less susceptible to complete destruction at any one given time by a weather or seismic event, than the entire West Coast of the US, your hometown of Seattle included. That area is overdue for a catastrophic earthquake or tsunami that probably will be singularly the worst disaster to ever hit this country, dwarfing the damage, destruction and suffering wrought by Katrina, Camille, Andrew, or any of the unnamed hurricanes, including the one that hit Galveston at the turn of the century and killed 8000-10000 people. That region's disaster preparedness and disaster response for this mega-event is projected to be wholly inadequate, with tens of thousands of people killed, injured, suffering and homeless. Seattle alone would be completely destroyed by the tsunami wave. Now, as a resident of Seattle and armed with this information that an inevitable devastating overdue catastrophic event is going to happen to you, maybe tomorrow, maybe next year, maybe in ten years or twenty years but definitely WILL happen, are you going to continue to suggest that the people of the Gulf Coast region should abandon all and walk away, relocate fifty miles inland, and start completely over, when your own situation is at least as, if not more, precarious and dangerous??
Mike Scheid, Long Beach, Mississippi (Sent Jun 2, 2006 7:49:55 PM)
blessings!...Constance....ya'll get well
andy,ms (Sent Jun 2, 2006 11:08:19 PM)
Yep, you go Mike! I am so sick and tired of people telling me where they think I should live! Pretty damn uppity if you ask me! We all the know the risk of living at the beach, we took a gamble, and this time we lost. But we had a great run while we were there!! And if you want to risk it all again, I say go for!
DeNeice Guest, Waveland, MS (Sent Jun 5, 2006 4:53:53 PM)
Go to this website:
http://msnbc.msn.com/id/12721177
Play the movie titled: BEYOND HOPE.
Joe, Knoxville TN (Sent Jun 8, 2006 8:20:49 AM)
did the "lifelike vulcan ears" survive the storm?...i might wanna buy em from ya!!!...I need ta go to da doctar anyways!!!
andy,booneville ms. (Sent Jun 9, 2006 8:10:56 PM)
But Steve,...DON'T EVER tell a doctor your over 40...cause they want to dispicable things to you!!!!....I MEAN IT!!!!....Jack Benny....always 39
andy,booneville ms. (Sent Jun 9, 2006 8:17:00 PM)
Steve, I had a better idea....walk into the shrinks office and sing a verse of "Alice's Restarant"....that will still confuse em'
andy,ms (Sent Jun 10, 2006 10:34:35 AM)
I DO feel so bad for ya'll, but Steve, that's some damn and sadly funny stuff!! You're one of those "laugh or cry" kind of people, eh? You really need to write a book about all this, and send copious copies to the phone co, FEMA, et al.
DJ, Westlake Village, CA (Sent Jul 25, 2006 1:49:23 PM)
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